How to Improve Your Self Esteem

Can you recall the last time you had been in an mental slump, so that your beliefs inside yourself and your abilities had been falling aside ? How can most of us keep up with the beliefs we have in ourselves, in a way that we are able to live with much less fear and even more fulfillment ?

Just think about those things we may achieve if we had the belief that we were able to do absolutely anything, especially when we could maintain a level of confidence that no situation could shake. What exactly would you be doing?

Self esteem comes from positive self-imaging, and it is something we proactively build up for ourselves. Self esteem will not come up while we wait passively. If we leave it up to external factors, we create our self esteem on soft sand ground. What we need is a solid base , this only comes from developing it within.

During our day to day routines, our minds are excellent at picking up all the things we’ve done wrong, and it makes sure we are aware of them. With such a counter-productive force at work, we can benefit greatly by regularly working towards establishing and building our own self image.

I have found that the way we see ourselves directly influences every thing we do. People with high self esteem get along easily with other people , hardly ever get sick, and seem to have high energy reserves. Also, their advanced level of self esteem matches with their high level of productivity, capability of pleasure and state connected with wellbeing .

On the other hand , you can find solutions. As you may have guessed, constructive internal dialogue is a significant element of improving your self esteem . Instead of saying stuff like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m a failure’ you could start to change things around simply by saying ‘I can beat this’ and ‘I can become more confident by seeing myself in a more positive way.’ To start with you will capture yourself slipping back to old negative behaviors , but with regular attempt you can begin to feel more positive and create your self esteem at the same time .

Become sober. Find support through 12-step groups to avoid self-destructive behaviors. Addictions block learning and drag down our feelings . Recognize them and change them with self-care.

Practice self-care. Come up with new lifestyle choices simply by joining self-help groups and practicing positive health care.

Begin with something that you can do immediately and easily. When you start with small successes, we will build momentum to achieve more self confidence in our abilities. Every single accomplished task, regardless of how little , is a building block towards a more confident you. What are some little actions you can take right away to show that you are capable of achieving goals you have set for your self ? For example, clean your desk, organize your papers, or pay all your bills.

Recognize triggers to low self esteem . All of us personalize difficult situations (e.g., criticism) by inferring a bad interpretation about ourselves. A self-defeating action often follows. Every event can, instead, be an opportunity to discover more about ourselves, when we face our anxiety about doing so and the harmful beliefs about ourselves that maintain the harmful meanings.

Try and stay in touch with your emotions throughout the day . Do you feel great about yourself? Why is that? If you feel low and also you experience negative thoughts running through your mind, ask yourself why this is the case. Half the fight to mastering poor self esteem is to recognize when and the reason you feel a certain way. If you find exercise is a great mood enhancer you can build more of it into your day. If you discover you’re feeling low if you are on your own, you can make plans to get out and about more frequently .

Use the power of your individual visualization . Create an image of yourself as the confident and self-assured man you wish to become. When you are this person, how will you feel? How will other people see you? What does your body language look like? How will you communicate ? See these clearly in your mind’s eye, with your eyes closed. Go through the emotions , experience being and seeing things from that person’s point of view . Practice doing this for Ten full minutes every single day . Put on music in the background that will either relaxes you, or excites you. When you are finished , write a brief description of this person and all the attributes you may have discovered .

Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive reactions . You can start to reduce these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress management methods . These techniques are usually directed at self-soothing the arousal. This allows you to stop the otherwise inevitable automatic response and put into play a way to begin to face the unacknowledged anxieties at the bottom of low self esteem .

Stop and take notice. Observe the familiarity of the impulse. Our tendency is to overreact in a similar manner to the same incident. Awareness of the similarity can be the cue to slow our reactivity.

Read some thing motivational , listen to something empowering, speak to someone who can uplift our state of mind , who can encourage us to become a much better person, to live more consciously, and to take proactive steps towards building a better life for ourselves and our families.

Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . . . ” Actively take action with the awareness instead of passively observe it. The result is to slow the impulse and provide ourselves different options about how we want to respond.

Pick response. Hold self-defeating impulses. Act in a self-caring and helpful way. By choosing to respond in a more functional way, we take a step in the direction of dealing with our fears.

Accept impulse. Be able to state the benefit (e.g., protection) of overreaction. We will not be capable to accomplish this at first, but as we become more effective, we will begin to appreciate what our self-defeating impulse had been doing for us.

Stop comparing you to other people. Low-self esteem comes from the feeling of being inferior. For example, if you were the only person on the planet , do you think you might have low-self esteem? Self esteem just comes-into the picture when there are other people around us and we perceive that we are inferior. Don’t worry about what your neighbor is doing. Accept that it’ll serve you more in order to go down your individual path at your own pace rather than to compare yourself. Pretend you’re starting over and start instantly with the smallest step forward.
Self esteem comes from self-dominion. The more power you have in getting yourself to take the right actions, the more self esteem you will have. Your level of self esteem influences your happiness and everything you do.

Develop skills. We can provide for our own safety, engender hope, tolerate misunderstandings , and raise self esteem simply by understanding and using these essential life skills:

– Experience emotions . “ Really feel ” emotions in your body and recognize your needs. When we do not respect our emotions , we are left to depend on what others want and believe.

Optional thinking. End either/or thinking. Think in “shades of gray” and learn to reframe meanings. By giving ourselves options, we open ourselves to new opportunities about how to think about our challenges .

Detachment. End all abuse; say “no” to misrepresentations and assumptions. By managing personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by other people and assert our separateness.

Assertion. Voice what you see, feel, and want by making “I” statements. By articulating our thoughts, emotions , and desires in a direct and honest manner, we show that we are in charge of our lives.

Receptivity. End self-absorption; pay attention to others’ words and meanings to restate them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as empathize with the needs of others.

Steps to improve low self esteem

1. Positive self-talk.
The way that you think about yourself has an enormous impact on your self esteem . If you continue telling yourself that you’re no good, you might just start to believe it even though it’s not true. You may notice that you practice negative self-talk often, take a look at some ways that you can challenge your negative thinking and build your confidence levels.

2. Be helpful and considerate.
Not only is helping people a great way to increase the feelings of others, but you may experience that you feel better about yourself after doing something particularly excellent.

3. Do not compare yourself to others.
It can be really tempting to evaluate our own value against other people. So what if your buddy is awesome at table tennis and becomes great marks? You just need to find out what your niche is. Everybody is great at something – what are your strengths?

4. Don’t conquer yourself up when you make a mistake.
Everybody on earth makes mistakes – it’s in our basic human nature. Why should you be any different? When you stuff up, don’t stress, simply learn from it and move on.

5. Focus on the things you can change.
There’s no point throwing away all your energy thinking about things that you can’t change. Why don’t you have a think about some of the things that are in your power to control and see what you can do about those?

6. Do things that you get pleasure from.
If you’re doing things that you enjoy you’re more likely to be thinking positively. Schedule time for fun and relaxation into every day.

7. Exercise.
Exercise helps to improve your mood. End of story.

8. Celebrate the small stuff.
Start small and work your way upwards – you can’t expect any huge progress to be made overnight.

9. Don’t go for perfection.
It’s really great if you want to do things well, but remember that perfection isn’t possible. Have a look at one person’s story of coming to terms with their sweet imperfection.

10. Surround yourself with supportive people.
Don’t be around people who bring you down. Find a group of people who make you feel great about yourself and avoid those who tend to trigger your negative thinking.

What exactly is Self-Esteem?

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In psychology, the definition of is used to explain someone’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. Self-esteem is frequently seen as a personality trait, which means that it tends to be stable and enduring. Self-esteem can involve a number of beliefs about the self, such as the appraisal of one’s own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.

The different parts of Self-Esteem

According to one definition (Braden, 1969), you can find three key components of self-esteem:
Self-esteem is a crucial human need that’s vital for survival and normal, healthy development.
Self-esteem arises automatically from within based upon a person’s beliefs and consciousness.
Self-esteem occurs together with a person’s thoughts, behaviors, feelings, and actions.

What can cause low self-esteem?

The beliefs you have about your self frequently seem to be statements of fact, although actually they are really only opinions. They’re based on the experiences you’ve had in life, and the messages that these experiences have given you about the type of person you are. If your experiences have been negative, your beliefs about yourself will tend to be negative too.
Essential experiences that help to form our beliefs about ourselves often ( but not always) occur early in life. Everything you saw, heard and experienced in childhood – in your family, in the wider community and at school – could have influenced the way you see your self. Examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of your self include:

  • systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
  • failing to meet parental standards
  • failing to meet peer-group standards
  • being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.
  • belonging to a household or social group that others are prejudiced towards
    an lack of praise, warmth, affection or interest
  • being the odd one out, at home or at school.
    Sometimes negative beliefs about your self are caused by experiences later in life, such as workplace bullying or intimidation, abusive relationships, persistent stress or hardship, or traumatic events.

Understanding Low Self-Esteem

Research indicates key differences between people who have high and low self-esteem. As an example, people who have high self-esteem concentrate on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem give attention to not making mistakes in life.
Low self-esteem has been shown to be correlated with numerous negative outcomes, such as depression (Silverstone, & Salsali, 2003).

Rosenberg, & Owen (2001) provide the following description of low self-esteem people based on empirical research. People with low self-esteem tend to be more troubled by failure and often exaggerate events as being negative. For example, they frequently interpret non critical comments as critical. They are more likely to experience social anxiety and low levels of interpersonal confidence. This in turn makes social interaction with others difficult because they feel awkward, shy, conspicuous, and struggling to adequately express themselves when interacting with others (p. 409). Furthermore, low self-esteem individuals tend to be pessimistic towards people and groups within society.

Guindon (2002) asked school counsellors to list five characteristics that best describe students with low self-esteem. Over 1000 words were used and the most typical are given below:

Withdrawn/shy/quiet
Insecure
Underachieving
Negative (attitude)
Unhappy
Socially inept
Angry/hostile
Unmotivated
Depressed
Dependent/follower
Poor self-image
Non-risk-taker
Lacks elf-confidence
Poor communication
Acts out

References and Further Reading

Abraham, T. (1988). Toward a Self-Evaluation Maintenance Model of Social Behavior. In L. Berkowitz (Ed), Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (pp. 181–227).Academic Press.
Coopersmith, S. (1967). The Antecedents of Self-esteem. Freeman.

Harter, S. 1993. Causes and Consequences of Low Self-esteem in Children and Adolescents. In Baumeister, R.F. (Ed.) Self-Esteem: The Puzzle of Low Self-regard (pp. 87-116).

Mruk, C. (1995). Self-Esteem: Research, Theory, and Practice. Springer.

Guindon, M. H. (2002). Toward Accountability in the Use of the Self‐Esteem Construct. Journal of Counseling & Development, 80(2), 204-214.

Robins, R.W., Trzesniewski, K.H., Tracy, J.L., Gosling, S.D., & Potter, J. (2002). Global self-esteem across the lifespan. Psychology and Aging, 17, 423-434.

Rosenberg, M. (1976). Beyond Self-Esteem: The Neglected Issues in Self-concept Research.Paper presented at the annual meetings of the ASA.

Rosenberg, M. (1979). Conceiving the Self. Basic Books.

Rosenberg, M., & Owens, T.J. (2001). Low self-esteem people: A collective portrait. In T.J. Owens. S. Stryker, & N. Goodmanm (Eds.), Extending self-esteem theory and research (pp. 400-436). New York: Cambridge University Press.

Silverstone, P. H., & Salsali, M. (2003). Low self-esteem and psychiatric patients: Part I–The relationship between low self-esteem and psychiatric diagnosis. Annals of General Psychiatry, 2(1), 2.

Viktor, G. (1982). The Self-Concept. Annual Review of Sociology, 8:1–33.

Viktor, G., & Schwalbe, M.L. (1983). Beyond the Looking-glass Self: Social Structure and Efficacy-Based Self-Esteem. Social Psychology Quarterly, 46:77–88.